Make Criticisms Work For You

Often, when we ask for critical comments, what we usually hope to get are compliments. What wants to criticised anyway? After all, criticisms always seems to wound our pride and deflate our ego.

But are all the criticism malicious & biased? Should we simply block off sharp remarks & pretend we have not heard them?

On the other hand, can criticisms be objective & constructive? Can criticism really help us to improve? How should we react when we are criticised?

When our pride has been bruised, it is not easy to look at things from an unbiased viewpoint. Whenever we find ourselves the target of someone’s penetrating remarks, we get sore  and the slightest provocation can easily spark off a rage. We become hypersensitive and suspicious, and often we start to shut ourselves off from any further comments even if these are actually well-meaning.

After our self-esteem has taken a beating, we start to react impulsively to every word & every nuance. If we lose control over our feelings and allow our frustration to be released uncurbed, we can only make the situation worse. Hast reactions seldom help to remedy the situation. If anything it will merely worsen things and show that we are unable to accept advice gratefully.

Are you getting the most out of criticisms? How can you make criticisms work for you?

Ponder over it

In order to benefit from other people’s assessments, pause for a moment & examine the criticisms objectively. Be careful though, for being receptive to criticisms does not mean simply smiling in agreement. You must learn to identify those criticisms which can actually help you to improve and those which cannot.

Not all criticisms are unkind, unjustified, words from someone out to hurt you. Some people are just not very tactful and their good intentions can easily be mistaken from nastiness. Their comments may very well be sincere and legitimate, so do not brush these aside.

On the other hand, you should be wary of those who seem overly confident and ever willing to offer their supposedly worthwhile observations. Most of these very eloquent critics have very little constructive suggestions to offer. Comments which are cleverly worded are not always useful ones. Some are the result of mere sarcasm, meant to discredit and intimidate you. Your response will be to ignore them.

Keep Cool

Sometimes when someone has, deliberately or not, belittled your efforts and hurt your feelings, it is very difficult to remain cool. But nothing will be gained from launching an immediate counter-attack.

Instead of lashing out in a moment’s anger, give yourself time to cool down. When you are sufficiently calm, think over the remarks. Analyse them and assess their validity. Decide for yourself if they are reasonable & helpful. Look at the situation with an unjaundiced eye. Remind yourself not to get too sensitive and overwrought. Do not shut your mind off by setting up a defensive barrier.

Act on the fair criticisms

Once you have decided that a particular criticism is constructive, the next step is to accept it with a positive attitude and do something about it. A constructive criticism will only be helpful if you act on it. Consider the things you will gain and think over how you should work to get them. Make extra efforts to improve.

It would also be a nice gesture on your part if you take the trouble to express your appreciation to the critic. This basic courtesy not only reflects maturity of character, but also your sense of responsibility. At the same time, it can help establish a rapport between you and your critic, leading to a deeper and more trusting relationship. Show that you have taken heed of the recommendations and that you intend to find ways to remedy your errors or overcome your weakness.

Ignore the unjust criticisms

If, after careful consideration, you are quite certain that a comment has been lashed out in spite and malice, just ignore it.

You can toss and turn in bed or tear out your hair in desperation over some harsh remarks, but nothing is going to change. No one except yourself will be any worse off, so stop torturing yourself. Do not lose sleep because someone was sarcastic & mean. If someone is out to hurt your feelings, the defence is to disregard the harsh & unthinking comments. Why make life hard for yourself just because someone else’s insensivity? Sometimes, irresponsible comments are made on the spur of the moment. While these may hurt, they are usually harmless. Do not take them too seriously. If they prove to be just petty grievances, do not upset yourself over them.

And do not to be hard on the culprit. Unkind thing are often uttered in anger. Everyone does it one time or other. Forgive and forget. And be a happier person.

Ask for explanation

If you think that certain criticisms are biased or unjustified, do not simply attack the other party in an aggressive manner. Instead of getting abusive, adopt a diplomatic tone. Ask for an explanation if there are any comments which you are uncertain about. You should of course keep an open mind.

Use humour

Careless comments can sometimes turn a friendly dialogue into a heated and touchy debate. Under such a highly charged setting, it is only natural that you act impulsively. Hostility and antagonism start to set in and this can eventually turn into an ugly situation.

Instead of exploding in a fury at being made the target of insulting remarks, it will save everyone the discomfort and agitation of a full-blown verbal battle if you just use a little humour.

Ignore the offending remarks. Learn to laugh away the mean words & unfair comments. Sprinkle some humour over the tensed atmosphere.

Show your confidence

If you frequently display an aversion for criticisms, others will soon become reluctant to offer any constructive criticisms or advice. This mean you will not have to be subjected to the agony of taunting and often biased accusations, but you will also be forfeiting yourself of possibly beneficial and well-meaning observations. Instead of honest opinions, others may resort to the flattery and false praise they feel you desire,

Words may inflict hurting and shameful wounds on your pride, but if they are well-intentioned and offer helpful advice, they certainly deserve your attention. Whether you can actually gain from them depends entirely on your attitude and on how you respond to them.